Since a third of Americans in relationships admit to wanting to have more sex than they do, what are the obstacles standing in the way? For some, it could be pain or illness related. There could be emotional trauma from past bad experiences. For many, it can also simply be that in our busy schedules, we’re not allowing the potential for more sex to enter into our lives.
As we’ve mentioned before, there are a lot of advantages to sleeping naked. The two advantages related to sex are that skin on skin contact releases feel-good oxytocin. The other is that, if you’re without clothes and happen to be in the mood there’s nothing stopping you from immediately responding to that urge.
Try thinking about more sex…more
Don’t force yourself but it might help to think about those times when you felt really good doing it. Replay it in your mind. Remember feeling sexy. Remember that urge, that need? It hasn’t completely left the building. You ARE still that same person.
Play the role, then believe the role
We do it at interviews, at parties, at work…why not try it in the bedroom? Sometimes, we have sex less because we just get caught up in the ordinary process of life. Go to work, play with the kids, go out to see friends, dinner, workout, etc. Even if we think it’s kind of funny, giving attention to yourself and your partner can allow you to have more sex. You can “pretend” to be undressing them or yourself as a tease or pretend to be a voracious lover and, before you know, you might actually start to feel that way.
No one said it had to go from zero to no pants. Sometimes, sex can seem intimidating and too far gone to recover. It can help to just start with something simple. Talking, rubbing your partner’s shoulders, deciding to sleep naked without giving your partner an explanation, cuddling, a kiss on the neck. These are all ways of showing affection that may or may not lead to sex but at least it gets you thinking and creating a physical connection.
Don’t watch TV, surf the internet or look at your phone in bed
Unless you live in a studio apartment and there isn’t any other room, there’s really no reason any of these items should be used in or near your bed. Bed is for sex (in addition to other places). Bed is for sleep (in addition to other places). These objects of distraction are intended to make us escape or engaged in them, ONLY. Your partner could be right there, next to you, waiting or wanting to be touched.
Experiencing pain or discomfort? See your doctor.
On our blog, we often talk about the many conditions that can affect men and women and their intimate lives. Since sex can affect both our emotional and physical health, it is important to see a doctor if you’re experiencing problems that you can’t handle on your own. Depression can sap the urge to be physical. Other conditions that cause a decrease in libido, erectile dysfunction or pelvic pain aren’t something that you should have to suffer with. Think of how a lack of intimacy affects both you AND your partner. Finding a good therapist or sharing the physical issues you’re having with your doctor is the first step in helping to change the situation.
Remember, the situation is never hopeless as long as we continue to stay invested in making things better in our relationships. You may even find a new, greater level of open communication with your partner that you never expected.