New Adventures: How to Use a Strap On With a Male Partner

Learn more about how to use a strap on safely with a male partner

When I first started working with MedAmour, one of my main goals was to expand my sexuality and the ways that I can satisfy my partners. Primarily a heterosexual woman, I still have expanded my interest and sexual experiences with women. In my sexual relationships, I have found that it’s very common to learn how to use a strap on in same-sex encounters with women. There is still a lot of stigma surrounding anal penetration with male partners.

“What I truly loved about this product was its extremely firm and silky silicone”

Broadening Sexual Horizons

When presented with the WFH Five Jules (Small) Dil and the SpareParts Tomboi harness, I knew that I had a very easy opportunity to try this with one of my female partners. But, I felt that in order to expand my knowledge, my partner’s pleasure, and my knowledge to my audience, it would be appropriate to learn how to use a strap on with one of my male partners.

A few months ago I wrote a blog on how beneficial prostate massage is for males. Having a very erogenous zones around the anal cavity and the promise of intense sensation from prostate stimulation, it’s a wonder that more men are not interested in exploring anal stimulation. This is mostly due to the social construct that any anal play may be associated with homosexuality. Debunking this fallacy, it has been very eye-opening to finally have male partners who are open to exploring anal penetration (also known as pegging) and educating me on their anatomy and pleasure. If anything, I have felt that it is empowering for my male partners to harness their masculinity and be confident in their sexuality. It’s wonderful that they can acknowledge anal play as an openly fun part of their sex life.

When learning how to use a strap on with a partner, it's important to sanitize
When learning how to use a strap on with a partner, it’s important to sanitize

Embrace the Unknown

I won’t lie, this is very new to me. Having had partners in the past who were not open to anal stimulation, this was definitely a little out there. Having my own strap on harness? A dildo? Then figuring out how to use a strap on with someone? You can understand that I was very very intimidated by this quest of mine. I am very fortunate that one of my male partners was more than happy to let me experiment with him. He was willing to show me the basics of enjoyable anal stimulation.

Admittedly, I was nervous. I have never been the giver, or penetrator in sex. I have always been the receiver. One of my very, very good friends told me in regards to anal stimulation: the best givers are the ones who have received. I kept that in mind during this experience. I felt it was appropriate to have complete and open communication. I asked questions to learn from my partner and be able to have those funny moments. It was clear I didn’t know what I was doing. But as a learning experience, we were both ready to try (with many giggles of course).

Positioning the Parts for Fun

The WFH Five Jules is one of the smallest size dildos that Medamour carries. It was a great size to start with my male partner. There are bigger sizes, which would also be sufficient for vaginal penetration. What I truly loved about this product was its extremely firm and silky silicone that had a very slight curve.

Find out how to use a strap on with a male partner with the SpareParts Tomboi harness
The SpareParts Tomboi Harness fits “like a glove” and is made right here in the USA

The SpareParts Tomboi Harness fit me like a glove and did not have room to slip. The last thing you need when trying to give someone pleasure is to not have a stable base. The dildo fit perfectly through the hole provided in the SpareParts harness. I felt the base of the dildo was very comfortable against my pubic mound. On the bottom of the harness, there is actually a pocket where you can insert a vibrator for yourself. This is extremely beneficial because we can both experience pleasure at the same time.

Lubricant

Using a water based lube for this silicone toy, I prefer either using Sliquid or Pjur. Keep in mind you will need multiple applications since water based lubricant absorbs into the body. Before starting we made sure to engage in enough anal stimulation that my partner would be ready to have me penetrate him. This was done through anal stimulation with my fingers, and then a light prostate massage before he guided me on how to gently start penetrating him. My partner was extremely supportive in telling me what feels good to him, appropriate rhythm, and then switching of positions. All throughout the experience, I took my time as we laughed and we made sure to just make a little bit of fun of the situation since it was my first time.

Sturdy and Comfortable

My partner’s best comment about the toy was how incredibly soft it was, along with its comfortable shape. Although the SpareParts Tomboi looks like boxer briefs, it was able to hold up the dildo perfectly without any slippage or compromised stability. This made our experience was seamless and easy. For aftercare, I gently rinsed off the dildo with Intimate Earth Green Tea Cleaner and then put it in my UVEE HomePlay Sanitizer.

New Ways to Connect

After our experience, my partner and I found that we are able to connect on a whole different level.  Figuring out how to use a strap on with my male partner did not sacrifice my femininity at all. If anything, I felt like it was easier to have a very intense connection with my partner, and to celebrate our sexuality. We were both very satisfied with the product and felt it was the perfect combination of products to be able to experience new heights of pleasure and exploration together.

Editor’s Note

The SpareParts Tomboi harness comes in various sizes, from XS to 3XL. If you are not sure of your size, please review the size guide under the SpareParts Tomboi description. MedAmour also carries the SpareParts Joque Harness which is adjustable around the waist and legs and comes in two sizes that cover a range of sizes. Size A fits waist sizes from 20″-50″. Size B fits waist sizes from 35″-65″. SpareParts is made in the USA and female-owned.

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