We hear it time and time again: I’m having trouble reaching orgasm during penetrative sex. The good news is, you’re not alone! Only about 18% of those with vulvas are able to orgasm from penetration alone. With almost all of us needing some form of clitoral stimulation, it’s no wonder we are missing some O’s! In order to even reach orgasm, a vulva needs arousal response. Yes, the female body has similar arousal reactions, just like the male body.
The clitoris and vulva are surrounded in erectile tissues. When aroused, the vulva may plump up and turn a luscious, red hue. Properly arousing your body not only makes sex more pleasurable, but far easier to achieve orgasm during penetration
Don’t Forget to Play
In the heat of the moment, you may rush straight into penetration – slow it down! The female body can take anywhere from 10-30 minutes to be fully aroused. We encourage you to make time before penetration to really get creative together. Try rhythmically massaging the clitoris and introducing insertable fingers if wanted. Oral sex on the vulva has one of the highest rates of orgasm, making it a great warmup tool. You can take these tools throughout penetration, using your fingers to stimulate during or taking breaks to enjoy more oral.
Toys are a wonderful resource to have in your “sexual tool box”, making clitoral arousal easier to reach. This is super common for those who need extra stimulation, sensation, or simply enjoy the feeing. We recommend having a toy you can use solo, and can also be dynamically used in the bedroom during penetration. Many vulva owners find the best combination is clitoral stimulation during penetration. The Lelo Lily 2, We Vibe Touch, or Magic Wands may be some great options for you!
Yes, you heard us correctly! We know our body best, so we can arouse ourselves first before receiving penetration. A great connection with ourselves, it’s also a sensual activity with your partner. Mutual masturbation is visual arousal point for many, and a great opportunity to show your partner how you enjoy being pleasured. Use this to add onto your experience!
Good Sex Doesn’t Always Mean Penetration
Last but not least, sex comes in many forms. Don’t feel pressured into thinking that penetration is the only form of valid sex. Penetrative sex is just one type of sexual interaction, and it doesn’t have to be the default for sexual gratification. If penetration is painful, uncomfortable, or doesn’t do it for you, it’s okay! You can still experience immense sexual satisfaction and connection in other forms.