Ughhhh… that feeling hits again. Your partner wants to be intimate with you, but you are just not feeling it. How did this low sex drive creep its way in?
You are stressed beyond belief, and your sexual prowess just doesn’t seem to be at the forefront like it used to! You might begin to wonder. What is happening to me? Is there something wrong with me?
Well, yes there is. Your high levels of stress are literally killing your sex drive.
When we experience high amounts of stress, we shock our nervous system and put it under immense pressure. With this amount of pressure comes nasty things like hormonal changes and exhaustion that directly affect our eagerness to jump in bed with our partner. In fact, we may even get irritated with our partner, or experience very little arousal when trying to have sex!
I personally experience low sex drive in waves depending on school, work, and side projects. Take it is as the “seasons of sexuality”. I have trouble getting aroused, naturally lubricating, and even reaching orgasm. My partner is understanding and loving, but what are some things we can do to feel more like ourselves again?
A Few Pointers
Focus on Your Health
Stress affects your entire body, not just your sex drive. Make sure during periods of high stress that you are mindful of your diet, fit in moderate exercise (30 minutes x 4 days a week), and get adequate sleep. Whether it means waking up 30 minutes earlier to do at-home yoga and make a green smoothie, or replacing that soda with lemon water: it all makes a positive impact. When we take care of ourselves on the inside, we can then contribute to our overall well-being. Our sex drives usually end up taking a hit when diet, physical activity, or sleep is compromised.
Make Your Sexuality a Priority
Your sex life should not go on the back burner, as sex can be a huge stress reliever! A great way to stimulate arousal is to take out any distractions, take your time with your body, and connect with yourself or your partner. Just 30 minutes of focus can make all the difference. Whether that time be with someone or a nice self-pleasure
session, I’m sure you will feel elated afterwards, and look forward to more. You might find yourself asking “Why don’t I do this more often?”
Be Kind to Yourself
We all go through our phases, and its okay if you are not craving sex as much as you used to! It would be very detrimental, and even more stressful, to put yourself down during this time. Instead, be kind to yourself and realize that you are going through experiences that are very demanding. Its okay to have a low sex drive sometimes. Talk with your partner openly, and communicate what your needs are, even if they aren’t physical at the moment. If they are, let them know what you would need to help lift your mood. Thats what partners are for!
A couple books that I would recommend reading to boost sexuality and pleasure are: